Tuesday, January 12, 2010i've been pruning my sidebar. am tempted to whisk everything away since i no longer swim the oceans of the internet every day. in retrospect, i think that a) i had a lot of time (somehow), b) i lived a LOT in my head and c) there is something surreal about living in a world of words, but being so thoroughly immersed in it is also an excellent place to be, as a writer. my life these days is so external, so external that i sometimes think i've forgotten that kind of total introspective focus; to be able to sit with thoughts, phrases, textures, light surrounding me like eliot's yellow fog. as enveloping, but nicer and less dank. but also lonesome, men in shirt-sleeves, browning's man on the street leaving the city and the bell going dhung-dhung-dhung in the rain. it is nice to have toothy urchin baby-grins and "pleeeaaseee can i have a sandwich" to temper it.
Mina at 10:13 PM
Monday, January 11, 2010le sigh. mommy guiltiness is only enhanced by separation anxiety. why! why! just when i was getting excited about being able to leave the baby with Trusted Person for a few hours to have lunch with the girls baby decides that she must keep mommy-target locked down at all costs. now i DO have to nip out places where she isn't allowed to come (aerobics class) or i don't want to take her to (aslam machli wala). so i wave bye-bye and zoom out nearest exit....sometimes she'll wave back and in the lull between a near-reflex and the realization that 'ta ta' means DEPARTURE, mommy is already a speck on the horizon so baby is okay. the days when there is no ta ta waving is the day the "wwwwAAAAAAHhhHHHhhHHHH" and dramatic stretching out of arms happens. and BANG. hello mommy guilt. may i bonk you in the solar plexus? or that part of you that is desperately wanting to make it on time for the vengabus (swear this is the last time i refer to it in one day) but also feeling like a shit for traumatising the baby?
the solace is that the baby is JUST FINE after five minutes and that you NEED to go out, even if its to main market to get fish and he asks you "aankehin nikalni hain?" and you say "yes" because you're not sure so might as well, and then like a dolt you observe as the guy nonchalantly digs it out witht he tip of his churra and severs what your wannabe-doctor self KNOWS is the optic nerve. GROSS.
Mina at 2:18 PM
the internet is WORKING
baby is outside dhoop saikoing
i went to aerobics today (i love aerobics. not only do you get to work out to 'the vengabus is coming', but all the aunties are always much fatter than you)
*does a little bhangra*
how fabulous to blog again :D
Mina at 2:14 PM