Sunday, October 12, 2008

one day whilst flipping through S's UCL alumni pamphlet i read an article on the guy who invented teletubbies, who went to UCL and read linguistics. he explained how teletubbies are aimed to be memorable to under-threes, how the fact that tinky-winky etc's lack of verbage was because that's how toddlers communicate and how the one that carries a handbag isn't gay, it's because mummy's bag is like amar ayyar ki zambeel and thus simply something lovely to have. this made sense, so i now relent somewhat in my previous horror of the teletubbies. dora the explorer, however, is quite another thing.

i was waiting for spongebob to come on so idly watched some dora, because it was on the same channel and because my stint at stellar has closely acquainted me with such childish horrors as ben 10, the new scooby doo and animated power rangers. dora is one of them so i thought cool, kids are picking up spanish from it so it must be somethin' special. turns out dora the explorer is the most mind-numbing, blitheringly boring and utterly condescending telly show for kids i have ever seen, and that is saying a lot because i really like watching stuff that's supposed to be for kids (although i don't know how kids find spongebob funny because kids these days have no sense of humor beyond farting and saying 'pishi').
this is what happens:
"how can we carry the pig? in the wheelbarrow! wheeeereeee's the wheelbarrowwww? -giant blue arrow clicks on the wheelbarrow- THERE'S the wheelbarrowwww! c'mon wheelbarrow!" YAAYYY!
then squeaky american accent with the faintest hispanic lilt dora and her animal friends do said task, then go onto another. replace wheelbarrow with river/boat/duck/dog/banana at will.

if i had a three year old watching this, i'd be most concerned with a child imagining a big blue arrow clicking on stuff when it puts two-and-two together. this is of course compounded with the fact that it would be mine to begin with, which would give it my over-active imagination and tendency to weave immense tangential narratives from the smallest occurrence. but oh god. dora and barney are in the same boat o' total awfulness, it's SO nasty. if i ever watch 'go diego go' i suspect this list may just expand.

Mina at 9:54 PM